We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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