P.S. I can't hear my feet
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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