you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
