it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
