To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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