Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
