i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize