Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
