Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
