my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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