He uses pillows to masturbate.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
