Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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