Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
