I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
