Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize