I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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