Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
