we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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