Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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