nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
