I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
