Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
