my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
