This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
