And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
