You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
