I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
