I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
