So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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