You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
