It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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