i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
