I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
