I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
