I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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