We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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