I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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