i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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