is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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