There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
420 ftw
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize