I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
