I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
