i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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