Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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