he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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