jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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