I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize