I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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