Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
