Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
