T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
