I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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