I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Green mimosas i think yes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
