She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
