Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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