Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
