i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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