I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize