put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
