i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
