The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
