Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think your dad took our porno
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
