I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
