I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there is glitter all over my balls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
