if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
