Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
