OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
