we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
